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haha, i havent posted in... okay probably over 6 months. I t hink i might have written something over the summer... but not really since i can hard;y even remember... whats even worse is taht was after swearing id start blogging more often...  i failed. Maybe its because no one ever reads this anyway... im typing to myself... oh well. I have a monologue due Monday.

My name is Kim Kutledge and I am broken. I'm not really broken in the way that a tree becomes broken in a tropical storm or the way or the way an egg becomes broken when it is dropped to the kitchen floor before it can be put in the omelet. I am broken like a bone, painfully and somewhat grotesque to look at, but under the right conditions and proper care I will heal. [beat] What I mean to say is that I am a poet. Really, I am. Listen to this. It's a love poem. [clears throat]

 

Excuse me, but if you would
Give me the chance, I think I could
Do what I need to make you feel good

 

[long pause] What? No applause? Now you see what I'm talking about, broken. I wasn't even blessed with being tortured, Poe and Dante were tortured, I am simply ineffectual and unloved. I know what you're thinking, "Surely you jest, who would not love you?" The answer is the source of my pain and the reason I cannot heal. I do not love me. I'm like that one guy in that one 80's movie, I do everything that everyone tells me to do. On the plus side nothing is ever my fault, I can always point the finger at someone else. On the down side I talk to myself a lot. Like now for example. None of you are real. I bet you didn't know that, and I kinda hate to break it to you because I'm sure you think you're real, but I just made every one of you up. That's gotta be depressing, but don't worry about it, you'll cease to exist once I've finished thinking about you. But you wanna know the worst part? Would Keanu Reeves please stand up? [pause] See? He's not here! He's never here! I'm so broken that I can't even control my own hallucinations even after I've accepted that fact that they're hallucinations. I know you're wondering about the whole Keanu Reeves thing, but even if he can't act he can say "woah" with the best of them and if he wore his Matrix costume he wouldn't have to say a thing. [beat] Maybe I should go see a psychiatrist about this. I'm pretty sure it's not normal. He'd most likely tell me it was 'advanced projected schizophrenia' or something. I'm sure he'd ask me, "Do you occasionally feel like you're on stage?" and I'd say no but he'd see though it because he'd be a good psychiatrist, and I'd never go see a bad one. So I'd admit to sometimes feeling like I'm on stage and he'd ask me if I'd like to see Keanu Reeves appear and I'd deny that too, but he'd see though it again. So then I'd tell him that Keanu never showed, with or without his leather Matrix jacket. Then I'd ask him how he knew and he'd tell me that it's a pretty common thing, he used to go though something similar. It's hero worship gone horribly awry, something about not having the confidence to want to see someone actually interesting. All I'd have to do to avoid these things was to believe in myself, have some confidence. [epiphany] Yes, I think that's it! Of course that's it. I can do that. I can love myself, I can. And I will. [pause] Right?

hahah beyond happy that....

i uploaded new photos and it actually worked!!!!!


 well i had typed this long entry and then all of a sudden *poof* its gone! #$%^
well im already feeling alot bettrer so im not even going to bother with it again right now. 
im tierd.. but  i dont see myself gettng to sleep tonight. Insomnia is.... interesting. In its own way i do love it. But not enough research is done on it. I feel slightly better though. Im not quitet sure what that means... either way im up all night playing solitaire on my ipod. Sweet dreams to all those who are dreaming  *waves*

MANIC

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I havent talked to her in forever! 
IN a yaer!!!!
Its so nice to be able to talk to old freinds again!!!!!!

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livejournal

I have just mastered livejournal.... im now bored with it and am going to bed. *yawn* that was a complete waste of an hour seeing as i do not plan (at the moment) to use ot any more than i currently do.